Tuesday, January 11, 2005

My First Foray Into Investigative Journalism

After less than a week at blogging I am ready to break my first big story. I know what you’re thinking, “That rookie is getting way ahead of himself.” I know, but this story is so big, and so hot, I have to go with it.

I have an unidentified, unimpeachable source inside CBS that was able to provide me with a copy of the original text of a transcript of the screening questions used by CBS in hiring Dick Thornburg to conduct an independent review of the fake Dan Rather Bush TexAng memos. I will be happy to provide re-copied originals once I can find a Remington Model 1972 typewriter with an OCR ball, but that can wait. Here is a transcript of the questions.


CBS: “Mr. Thornburg, you are shown a clear glass, nearly filled with a clear liquid. The liquid is odorless and tasteless, but it is refreshing when consumed. It is known to freeze at 32 degrees F, and change state to steam at 212 degrees F. And finally, when frozen, crushed into pieces and mixed with the appropriate amounts of gin, tonic and lime juice, make an excellent cocktail. What is the glass?”

Mr. Thornburg: “After careful study, I have concluded that there is an odorless, tasteless and colorless liquid in the glass.”

CBS: “Excellent. Last question. You look in the mirror and in the middle of your face you see an appendage. It appears to aid in the intake and exhalation of air. It can detect unique aromas. And it conveniently holds up your glasses. What is it?”

Mr. Thornburg: “After careful study, I have concluded that the item you describe is a facial appendage that aids in breathing, and that can detect odors, while holding up glasses.”

CBS: “Excellent. We believe you will excel at this task. You’re hired to investigate the Dan Rather memos, draw any conclusions you like.”


I know there are those out there who believe I should have done a bit more homework on this one, but I was afraid of being scooped by Time, Newsweek and alas, CBS. I’ll produce my unimpeachable evidence at my earliest convenience. Thanks for your patience.

More later on Dick Thornburg’s brilliant conclusions after his thorough four month investigation of the Dan Rather memos.

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